Going back to work after 3 months isnt easy... juggling with the baby. I dont have a maid, and that makes the house even in a more sorry state than it was before. I dont trust a maid.. so she goes to a baby sitter.

Normally my days goes like:

Send her to baby sitter, work, rush to pick her up, entertain her, let her nap so I can wash off the grime for the day, wake her up, entertain her (again) then put her to sleep. Pray she sleeps through the night.

Lately I've been wanting her to drop the 4am feed. So I've been putting her to sleep around 10 - 1030. Bad I know. But she still wakes up at 4 am anyway. It got so bad I couldnt sleep and I had to work the next day. Smack in the middle of a rush peak period! I've tried patting her back to sleep, shushing, rocking, anything but feeding her. I even ignored her for 1 hour (its hard to ignore since her cot is in my room). She still does not give up. I've taken up part time co-sleeping (where she sleeps in her cot in the begining of the night, and then when she wakes, she comes to bed with me) cos its so much easier than getting up of the bed and consoling her to sleep.

Some said try giving her water at 4 am. I did try that before and it wasnt pretty. She was still wailing for her food half hour later. I guess she was too young then. So I tried it again on last Friday. It seemed to work. She went back to sleep thinking great.. last few days no food.. this time is water.. zzzzzzzzzz till 730am. CRAP I WAS LATE FOR WORK (she was my alarm clock at 6am).

Friday night, she still woke up at 4am. I grabbed her and put her to bed with me. Slept.

Saturday night ...I told her (she is 3 months now) please please let mommy and daddy sleep OK. You were crap the last week and mommy needs to work during the weekend. And then I put her to sleep at 10pm (she has no problems getting to bed). Walked out of the room started my laptop and prayed she doesnt get up at 4 am again. And I worked till 1230 am. I went to the room, with sinus and all thinking.. ok I shall just pop a pill and everything will be ok... she'll wake up anyway.. so I REALLY NEED THE ANTIHISTAMINE.... *gulp*...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Fast forward... looked at the clock... 6.45am... wait is the clock right? SHE ISNT AWAKE? OMGWTFBBQ!!!!!! IS SHE STILL ALIVE (I tend to get really paranoid of SIDS)????

Yes she is still alive and woke up at around 7am wanting to eat and after that with the biggest smile. Aaah.

Actually reading this (sleepisfortheweak.wordpress.com) is really comforting.. especially when other people ask you.. is she sleeping through the night? And then u reply sheepishly.. no... and then a pathetic smile (along with the face that says, you dont know how to parent your child) awaits you... and loads of advices given on how to "sleep train" my daughter. Yea I know. I get it. I'm the worse parent EVAR. I take my daughter to bed with me for the sake of convenience. I give her the pacifier cos I'm lazy to keep shushing her for 5 hours to make her take naps in the afternoons (seriously? I did that till my tongue and throat was raw, just because giving her the pacifier means I'm spoiling her). I let her sleep in the rocker just cos she likes it. Now I just do NOT CARE. I do whatever works to gain my sanity back. Of course.. by letting her flash that infamous cheeky smile of hers EVERY MORNING does wonders to start a day fresh.

Throw those "professional advice" books away. Cos they dont apply to EVERY baby on earth. Some are more needy than others. Mine is just, clingy. I let her cling to me. After all, when she reaches her teens, she probably will decide that she doesnt want anything to do with me anymore. So just sit back, and let ur baby decide she wants you more than ever.