[Warning: Emotional roller coaster ride ahead]
I've read somewhere before, or attended a motivational seminar (read: corporate brainwashing sessions) that when people ask you
"What do you do for a living?"
Prolly 90% people would answer their job scope. Not once they would analyse that question... into "What do you do that prevents you from killing yourself everyday?"
What is worth living for every single day in your life? In many Asian countries, their job (Hi, my name is xxxx and I am a tax advisor.. boring) is their life. Most of them do not do what they love to do. Rather, they are forced to, so that they bring in a decent pay to support their life. I do not think a job is worth living for each day... at least nor for me.
I applaud those who can answer "I watch my children grow" or "I do volunteer work" or "I travel"
Based on my previous posts, I bitch about work and talk passionately about my hobbies and past times. Now why cant I make my hobbies and past times my work?
As being brought up in the Asian society, money comes first. Then pleasure. Want to get married? Money. Want to have family? Must see whether can afford first. Education? Please take the courses that will benefit you in terms of money. When you have money, you can do everything. Everything?
Then once you graduate, you either, can be a bum or a corporate slave like me.
Boo Hoo
Granted, many people like their jobs on a daily life basis. They thrive on stress and pressure and when they get through it, they view it as an acomplishment.
Me. Ugh. I dread waking up everyday. I dread facing my managers who I anticipate will bite my head off each time I make a mistake.
Granted, people here are more direct. But I find that these people, when they are direct, they are inclined more to a forgiving nature. Thus, they dont pretend that everything is alright infront of you then stab you at the back with a butcher knife when it comes to your performance evaluation. If they dont like it they say it. If it is wrong they will bite your head off make you feel guilty that you are the only one entirely wrong in the team its your fault for not guiding the staff and not spotting the issues earlier on, when it should be a team effort. Sometimes, in this position that I am in, I'm running a one woman show in each engagement.
If you see my job description in my facebook (for those of you who have it) I basically have to do everything on the job. My manager only deflects the wrath of the partners, which I assume, it is hard too. At times, I also have to go into the partners room when the managers are away, to face a partner whose head is sometimes in his hands (when that happens, you know you are in deep shit when the manager finally comes back to face the partners' wrath, cos partners wont lay it hard on little peanut like me). You will be in deeper shit when you accidentally reavealed something to the partner that the manager is trying to cover up for you.
So either way, I am swimming in deep shit everysingleday.
So why do I do this?
Its the only thing I know how to do and it pays the bills (and occassional splurges which provides occassional therapy.. but after that its gone). I dont have a choice.
Many people are stuck in situations that they do not favour because they do not know better. And it is not true. I do have a choice to do what I want. I do know how to do something else. It is whether I am brave enough to sacrifice it and do something I like better (but with less pay).
Let me hope I could be brave and do something that it is really worth doing with my life.